There are few times when i hike and dont enjoy it. Today was one of those days that i didn't want to go longer and i didn't revel in what i was doing. It was so damn windy, even with 4 layers under my puffer jacket i want cold to the bone. It was 32 degrees but with the 40 mile an hour wind gusts on the high prairie, there are no trees to break the wind. I didnt do the 8 miles, i did 4 instead because i never ever warmed up.
I can't tell you how many times I heard you would be so beautiful if you lost weight. Or you have such a beautiful face.
Well my friends, I have lost weight and quite a bit of it however I don't see a beautiful face. And I know we're all our own worst critics what I can tell you is that most of the time I feel pretty good inside about my accomplishments and the weight that I have lost and I think that shines through and I think that is what is more beautiful than anything.
But it's funny when people say those things to you I don't think they really understand what that means. It was like I was hiding behind a mask and they were talking about the mask. And I had no mask on. So to me it was an insult, to others it was a compliment that they were giving me with a side of shade.
It had been a month and four days since my last hike. Life and weather happens, but damn I needed it! 15 miles were planned, but and I cut it short at 9 miles that so I could go by the antique flea market and get some stuff for my future home! I was closer to the store than normal, so I took advantage of that while I could and the roads arent snowed over. 🤭
You have put in a lot of work to get where you are even if it's not where you want to be. Always celebrate what you have gone through. What you have lived through. What you have persevered.
Whether you're a bariatric patient or not it is all hard work and dedication. There is nothing easy about the mental and physical transformation of this process for anyone in any weight-loss situation. And don't ever let anybody tell you that it is because that's their shit not yours.
So this week I am trying to eat up some of the "shit that's clogging up the freezer" as my husband so lovingly puts it. I bought stuff that fell to the bottom, was forgotten about. This week we est separate dinners and I can to utilize some shit I bought months ago. That's really fucking hard for a bariatric patient bc theres only so much one can eat!
Pic 1 - Breakfast: Pumpkin spiced latte and a rip van "stroopwaffle"
Pic 2 - Lunch: Trader Joes Maui Maui patty, bacon, with coconut curry veggies and sauteed mushrooms. Left half a patty.
Pic 1 - Breakfast: Chaffle made into a half sammich with half slice of thick apple wood smoked bacon and avo and a bit of cantaloupe.
Pic 2 - Lunch: 3 mini pizza naans
Pic 3 - Snack of the Devil: Do not buy this addictive tool of satan.
Pic 4 & 5 - Dinner: Leftovers from Texas Roadhouse last night. Fillet medallions, carrots, broc and some wild rice. And I mean, that gorgeous new plate I bought!!! Pic 6 - Evening Snack: Sugar free butter cookies, sugar free icing with some cinnamon spinkle on top
The hubs and I spent a much needed day together. 💙💜 We hung out and chatted on the couch about things with my mom and what's going on with daryl. Then we went to see Joker and then dinner out together. Steak and veggies! When we got home we got comfy and he gave me a leg and foot massage!
I worry more about my physical ailments now more than I ever did. I am more likely to go to the doctors office than I would at 340lbs. I only went in dire need when I was heavy, even though i wasnt as healthy. Maybe it's because I have worked so hard to get where I am that I dont want to take chances. Maybe I just take my health more seriously now.
I went today because I passed out again this week, full fledged dizzy and then next thing I know, I am on the floor with half the bathroom sink taken with me. For the last year (mostly in the evenings) when I stand up, after about 3-5 seconds I get a dark tunnel vision, go dizzy and dark for a few seconds where I have to hold on to something so I dont fall over. Between that happening and my lack of sleep and ability to sleep lately I was able go see the dr. She did a series of blood pressure tests and laying and sitting I am at normal, 116/80. When I stand up, even after 5 minutes, I am at 89/60. So she could send me for other testings but doesnt think that it will lead to anything. So she has instructed me to take in more electrolytes and gave me some less "dirty" sleeping meds than ambien. I see her in a month.
Pic 1 - Breakfast: Hot salted caramel black tea and a protien fake stroop waffle. I learned this weekend to put these over the cup to warm up!!! Genius!!! Pic 2 & 3 - Lunch: Taco salad with Black Bean Beanitos (before and after)
Pic 4 - Dinner: Pork, Brocolli, a dabble of tomato basil cheese and a dob of TJs Aioli Mustard
Today was another weird food day. I'm not critiquing it, I'm just going with it.
Pic 1 - Brunch: 2 egg omelette with spinach, leftover salmon and swiss cheese
Pic 2 - Early afternoon snack: I didn't eat a proper lunch due to a conf call. This was my first time trying the Eat Me brownies. I took one bite and while it was okay at first, the longer I chewed, I thought it was meh. I eat the rest by saving it with a tablespoon of sugar free frosting.
Pic 3 - Late afternoon snack: peanuts
Pic 4 - Dinner: Zoodles speghetti. Only ate 1/3 of it and one bite of the hubs buttered bread.
It may seem silly to some people, but I've always been scared to be in a non uptight position. I never did gymnastics as a kid. I havent ever tumbled, forwards/backwards, cartwheel, backbend, etc. Now that I am in the best shape of my life thus far, I have the urge to tackle these things now. At the ripe old age of 44. 😁 So with a little encouragement and help (spotting) from my friends I did my first tumble and correct headstand. Now I didnt get up there alone, but it's a start and I held myself up.
Let's talk about the amazing #NSV that is travel and I will never ever take this for granted. For at least 25, probably more like 30 years I stressed about all aspects of travel for months in advance. Packing large clothes, will the poor bastard next to me in the plane hate me for spilling over? Did I bring my seatbelt extender (cause I could never speak up and ask for one. In fact when my ex husband and I flew to Vegas, I didnt wear a seat belt bc it didn't fit by an inch 😔). I will press myself as small as possible Into the window. I won't eat, I won't go to the bathroom. I would make myself as uncomfortable and unnoticeable as possible so the stranger next to me would be comfortable. I would be in the plane as SOON as possible, covertly handling my extended to get in, sit and strapped in before anyone else could see. I would pray for a child or super skinny person to sit next to me. I would sweat a lot. I dressed to cover and tuck everything but still try to be comfortable, which was a joke.
It was exhausting mentally and physically. I was a prisoner in my own fear. My fear of what other people thought. The fear of lack of comfort.
Now I'm travelling internationally where the seats are notoriously smaller. Ive barely stressed at all. It's a bit liberating really. I have lighter and smaller luggage. I wore whatever I wanted. I won't need an extender. I already ordered my food that I can eat off of using the tray table. I will be comfortable and I even bought a neck pillow and I will get up with no shame to use the toilet....that I should fit in!!!!
That gives me all the feels, man!
8 5112 June, 2019
Yo, I am on a flight to boston!
As we all know, flying is a crazy lovely NSV to have and we focus on the seat belt a lot bc I mean, slack and not having to ask for an extension are fucking major!! .
Today I am focusing on a few NSVs that i haven't hit before, one that i forced myself out of my comfort zone to experience.
Today, my friends, I am riding bitch. Yup, you got it....I actually chose to sit in a middle seat on a 4 hour flight. I may be insane, just a bit. Right now I am between 2 dudes and I'm not spilling into anyone's space. 😳 This was always a major fear of mine, so I took it face on.
Also, I'm wearing the least amount of clothing I've ever worn on a flight.....and shorts!!!! I'm so fucking comfortable, its amazing!!!
The last of my days NSVs is that I boarded the plane almost last. Giving up that control to not be in front of people, situate myself in my seat,l...that was huge. I still felt all the internal stress, but I didnt faulted. And you know what? I lived. I survived. Noone acted a fool, including me, and I am in my seat all the same.
Conquering life one day as a time. 💙💜🥰
Say what? I'm not actively trying to lose weight. I am eating plenty and exercising plenty, so imma just gonna let my body do what it wants at this point. I dont mind leaning out and muscling/toning up which is what I am actively doing. I've been doing ramped up cardio mostly in prep for the 14er hike, but I do enjoy it and finding out what my body can do.