i rebelled with little lies,
like kissing the water fountain
when i asked to use the restroom,
or when i denied that it was i
who gifted jasmine with the heartshaped
box of chocolates. justin said
it was he who bestowed them on her instead.
i hated him, his epilepsy, his bleeding eyes,
his refusal to give me a present
despite being my secret santa.
ten years old and already hateful. how laughable.
how pitiful. soon i will be hot in santa ana,
but back then i was willing to sit in the shade
of garbage cans with prison bars,
in front of mary statues, sit there quietly
it was a fleeting love, but it was love all the same,
and i never learned the lesson not to love the insane.
more glibly, never stick my dick in crazy.
i haven’t done it lately - this lady was okay,
just odd and there, no underwear, no fear.
i didn’t get her name.
i will read the gadfly soon while sandra
burns her robe. i promised myself
that if i were being honest, i would allow myself
one sliver of hope. but i have not been honest.
i am not concerned with a body count,
the notches, tally marks, the gloat;
i look at marc and juliet, romance on the river,
brown happiness on a boat;
i see proposals and engagements,
reluctant grins and candid snaps.
i see opportunities in front of me,
nude and beckoning, perpetually out of my grasp.
so this is a new life. a thrill ride, a rollercoaster,
me barely strapped in while i’m effortlessly
tossed around. so this is what i embraced.
so this is what i chased.
and alone, as usual, i succumb to the result:
yet another bond that i must break
if i am to breathe. if i am to wake.
On a napkin
I write out all my sins
I take a sip, carefully so I don't drip
Mixing it with water as I sit huddled in the corner like a squatter,
I often ponder why I even bother,
Everyday feels like I'm reliving the same play,
Everyone's hustling for the pay, most willing to do whatever, no matter the dismay,
What else can I say?
I get it, life is what you make of it,
Then we restart another day.
Coffee's getting cooler,
Perhaps it'll be refilled before I spill?
Everything starts over, no need to pop a pill,
Deal with it,
Heal naturally, take another sip,
Feel the flavor and savor it casually,
I refuse to be another casualty,
So I write, rhyme and ride
I'm about to take flight,
Time to go global and win a Nobel,
When im done, I refuse for people to say,
Well at least he tried,
Known for just one thing is unacceptable,
I will reach the Pinnacle,
On a napkin
I write out all my sins
An artist speaks from within
Even the smartest try their darndest,
But the most successful are whom their hearts are the largest,
On a napkin
I write out all of my sins
All this coffee is making my head spin
I forgot where to begin,
I pick up a pen to start over again
Reliving the past is hindering giving the present a chance to last,
Take another sip,
Savor the flavor of the moment,
Time to take on a new component
Smile, move on and own it. #GCIIPOEM
If I've let you down
But you said nothing to me before or after the fact
I'm not responsible for the image of me you created
Without my consent you built me in your image
Of someone selfless and caring and generous
When I can also be selfish and rude and greedy too
I'm a human with blood pumping through my soft body
Its not my fault if you thought I'd be your perfect image
I'm flawed, scarred and marred physically and mentally
I've suffered, I haven't always lived in grace
Nor the privilege I know now
I was born into a gutter
And lived in a guttural existence since, raw to the core
Until my saving grace was handed to me through fire
And my benefactors hands burned to reach me
Because it takes sacrifice to give
And I've sacrificed enough
Not to be taken for granted by selfish lovers
It's interesting how quickly I'm left
When I don't give in emotionally or sexually
Yet, life goes on and gets better every passing day
So they say if their absence brings you peace
Then you never really lost them and I felt that
You're not the only one in love with me
I'm only in love with one person
And I refuse to share even that information
I owe no one but myself the love that is due
As more days pass the less I care what others think
What other write, sing, believe about me
Fuck yes, I am vain, fuck yes, I am who I am
Who cares enough what I do to be bothered
You have zero power over me and my life
No impact on the blessings and the gratitude I feel
In my heart, my body, my mind, my spirit
I will always choose myself. @sunshinejanelle#poetry
Photographer: Pose like "I've got two books b*tches!"
Me: Ohh Emm Gee! *as photographed 🤣
Him: No, pose like the boss that you are 🤦♀️
So since we really nailed that BOSS pose, it's going to be on the cover of book # 3. Stay tuned for the reveal in the new year. YAY!!!! 💖💖💖
Thank you @josephchanderphotography for always putting up with my silliness, obviously.
And for being the fabulous creative genius behind my pro photos. I just show up, look pretty, and have some crazy ideas that I have no idea how to execute and you sprinkle your magic with so much ease every single time.
. #NotAnAd #Grateful #Poet #Author
5 401 hour ago
It’s Not About How Long, It’s How Hard You Been Working.
When I sat down to recall all that I had done today,
I counted how many times did I waste my strength, my words, my thoughts on something ridiculously unproductive! And, I tried to figure out the consequences, in case I would have done everything the other way round, a bit mildly I guess!
I realised that I had destroyed so many precious moments by being angry on myself or the ones around me. If I would have tried hard, I would have avoided an unpleasant conversation, if I would have tried a bit more harder, I would have helped the people I care for, avoid arguments!
It struck me that anger and anxiety, even though for a while, made me lose my joys! And when you have this one life, making the most of it is what you wish to do. Why waste even a single moment of ecstacy that comes on your way in this journey!
Not just today, but since the day I've known anger, I've lost SO MUCH!
Since the day you've learnt anger, you too must have lost something that would have been able to make you smile. Maybe there isn't a refund to all of that, but there's always an effort that awaits you; the effort that, if made, would help you prevent LOSING something,every single day!
- the euphoric poet .
//They talk about the toxic relationships they were apart off, the heart breaks they experienced and the disappointment that people led them too. They put all the blame to the people around them.
When in a toxic relationship, they always blame the partner, without considering the fact that both were equally responsible in making it toxic. They blame the other person for the heartbreaks, and act as if they themselves did nothing at all. They talk about the disappointments as if they themselves never disappointed.
And what do we do? We sit back, listen to a one sided story and believe them. We also begin to participate in this blame game, pointing fingers and making accusations without knowing all the facts.
Let's accept the reality; they were on a similar journey to a different destination. Let's accept that their presence made that journey beautiful rather than crying over their absence today. Not everyone who comes in our life is supposed to stay forever. Some people are there either to provide you ease or to make you a stronger person. Let's just embrace the moments we get to live together make them worthy of being remembered.
These are the letters we write but never send. The words on the tip of our tongues.
This is a letter series I’ve been working the postings will be biweekly. I wanted to post more writing but I plan on publishing the bulk of my work and it doesn’t feel right posting half hearted written work in the meantime.
Enjoy! Feel free to share if you want. All criticism welcome as always. .
excerpt from my collection of poetry ‘georgina’ available via the link in my bio
20 1,7328 December, 2019
//December makes me sad.
Is it the turning of greens into browns or is this the chilly weather demanding for a beloved to sit by your side and have a cup of coffee?
Is it the feeling of surrounded by a crowd and not finding someone to throw your sadness upon?
Or is it just the realization of what we gained and lost over the year. Maybe it's the turning of moments into memories.
or maybe its the search for warmth?
Warmth in the behaviour, hearts, words and actions of everyone around us.
I jotted this down in my notes when my life was at a really low point pretty recently - just hated myself, my life, waking up in the morning, writing, my relationships with people, living. My dreams felt stupid. My thoughts were always sad. I was always annoyed. Wouldn’t even check my phone or talk to people. Literally everything sucked. And I remember later that day, I received a hate message on here from someone saying I should read a book, that what I write is pointless/stupid. I get these messages sometimes, but that really hurt at the time, especially since I was feeling low already. This person didn’t know how my life was going. Their goal was, I guess, to just say something mean to a stranger. I know I’m rambling, but the point I want to make is that life will kick you when you’re down. And people will make it worse. Just don’t let one of the people who make it worse yourself. When life hurts the most, that’s when you should be the most kind and forgiving to yourself. That’s what got me through that period (mostly through it, life is still feels kind of meh). I just think you should remember this and do it at least when it matters most, if not most days. That’s all for today. Peace ✌🏻❤️🦋