I am an artist, outdoor adventure photographer, filmmaker, writer, editor and conservationist. I also have Bipolar II disorder. This account will serve as an honest, unrestrained look at what it is to live with this disease. The thriving, the drowning and everything in between.
I am currently facing down a major depressive episode after a summer full of hypomania and creative intensity. A short eight weeks ago, I was assisting on a shoot for Patagonia and attended a wildly, wonderful creative summit with Sony. I was utterly limitless. Today, I can hardly move. This monster in my head is a rude guest, never announcing his arrival or departure.
I used to embrace my hypomanic episodes. What a gift to be so “on” all the time. So creative, so optimistic and bursting with confidence and a limitless capacity to connect and create. In a way, mania has given me many advantages, gifts. But these gifts are like those given by a friend who will recall that gift months later claiming they never gave it to you at all. A gift is not a gift at all if you’re forced to pay for it.
Time passes. The manic state ends. And the bottom drops out. And it’s hard to make anyone understand how impossibly cruel it is to feel that you can accomplish everything you’ve ever dreamed of and then freefall so suddenly into a world where the possibility of having a shower or walking the dogs around the block are too difficult to fathom.
Forget about dreams. This is only life or death now. And it’s hard to feel like much else other than ensuring the next breath is taken matters.
I wish I could say I’d learned to cope with the heartbreak of having everything I’ve worked for suddenly ripped out of my grasp, or the feeling of sitting in a room full of people you love counting the minutes until they’re all gone so you can sleep— sleep the only reprieve from suffering. .
But here I go again. Therapy, holistic wellness, medication. All the advice I give to others but am loath to take myself.
This is a safe space. A space of solidarity. A space of honest healing.
1 23 minutes ago
Spitfire poem. Pretty prouds of my first poems to shares with fans and follwerz. I feel likes something special here lots of throwings me likes 4 or fives likes. I think you not respectz my spitfire poems cause only few likes. You trys growings up in France Canada speaking Italy. Maybe you wants Milo to get you in a cagefights. Maybe you like getting your brain kick. So Milo respects maybe I loves you more.
Friday night vibes. #amwriting .
I just sent out a newsletter with some big updates! Just to make sure everyone sees it, I also posted it to my blog and posted a new video to my YouTube channel 🥰.
If you've been wondering why there's been a delay in books, what's coming next, and when to expect Vengeful Darkness, this is the update you've been waiting for!
Meanwhile, I ducked out for a few while Evie is sleeping so I can work on Fate's Surrender! Hope you are hang a good Friday so far!!🥰
Double standards are in the sights of my special edition of Deepavali #minisareestories ! You should now have three zingers in your arsenal, let’s see how many more we can squeeze in before next week Sunday!
Are there any particular questions or topics that come up during Deepavali that you absolutely dread? Let me know in the comments below and you never know... I might use it in the next edition 😜
And for the record, ain’t nobody touching my Saree or single malt, Deepavali or no Deepavali.
1 2410 minutes ago
Are you showing up in your own life? If you aren’t what’s stopping you from being great?
Over the years I have learned that showing up in my own life will be one of the best things I can do. I believe that self love and self care as a women is one of the major factors in boosting your confidence. Find value in the things that bring you joy and contentment. Showing up for yourself can be; standing up for yourself, walking away from toxic relationships, including self care practices into your daily routines, words of affirmations, going after your goals and accomplishing them, being honest with yourself about your good and bad qualities, constantly and consistently working to be a better person, showing up for the people that love you. The list can go on but for now that’s some ways although you may feel inadequate you can start at.
Too often we find reasons why we can’t put ourselves first. Whether it’s self-love or self-care, give to yourself so you can give to others. If your cup is empty how can you pour into someone’s else’s. There is a reason you are told to secure your own oxygen first.
What are some patterns you have notice that may prevent you’re progress? What is preventing you from accomplishing your goals? Or from starting that journey?
Remember that life is too short and tomorrow is not promise. No matter how imperfect things may seem, all you have to do is start. Start anywhere and you will see that practice makes perfect!
Share below some ways that your thoughts has prevented you from moving forward? What have you learned? #quotes#words#quotestoliveby#quoteslover#quoteoftheday#quotestag#goodquote#love#cute#friday#motivation#inspire#inspiration#inspiredaily#inspiredaily#igdaily#writersofig#soul#followers
At the end of the day we’re just passengers. I think we needed to leave from that place we were far too familiar with. After all, there was nothing left for us. Everything we feared or worried about lost in the mountain air. The sun sets, ending a significant part in our lives; the part where we grew into ourselves. I couldn’t ask for a better person to pack these bags and see these mountainsides with. I couldn’t ask for a better companion.
It was dark.
It was lonely.
Had a long day.
Lots of work & no sleep.
Sought silence, tried to sleep.
Got disturbed by my own dream.
Struggled to wake up,
lost myself & world,
oh, that feeling could not be worse.
the basic things you give away,
for all the big gains,
leads to ultimate pain.
It became a habit,
to keep it ignoring,
& now it's not happening.
All this is about sleep,
I know it sounded deep,
there is a lot to weep!
You make me want to pick up my pen and turn off my eyes and write out the things that make you mine.. like how you make me believe all the songs about love about hope about dreaming about all the above like how you hold my hand so I can fly, and always remind me of Flynn Ryder’s eyes, and this is how I know I love
Back when I thought I loved you. Circa 2018.
Many individuals have become robots, attempting to spread and solidify information they have not educated themselves on. I empty my soul to spread truth but what is the purpose of draining my energy by spreading awareness if the media will fight to deplete me through deceiving the ignorant? Yet I’m here, in truth, 𝗨𝗡𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 of the judgment of the mass majority – 𝗡𝗔𝗞𝗘𝗗 in brutal 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘺. 𝗦𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆 will try to strip 𝘮𝘦 of my vision, my 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆, my 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆 – but I won’t stand for it.
I'm in refusal of filling my body with poison that depletes my brain of its 𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 to generate 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆. I will not be injected with indigestible chemicals – I do not care about credentials. No one will lead me astray as I make the world 𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗘 with me. I’m sick of all the 𝗟𝗜𝗘𝗦 – do not feed me with your 𝗙𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗔𝗖𝗜𝗘𝗦. These simpletons need to 𝗙𝗟𝗘𝗘 with their 𝗥𝗨𝗗𝗜𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗬 ideals. I refuse to wheeze and have my light 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘻𝘦𝘥 out of me. Go ahead, 𝗧𝗥𝗬 and my 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 – I am a 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳-𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗿𝗴𝘆. My words and spirit will never fade.
Many forget about energy and freedom while unconsciously becoming institutionalized zombies. I am not to be fooled – your 9 to 5 will not 𝗿𝘂𝗹𝗲 me. I strive to 𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲, living 𝗳𝗿𝘂𝗶𝘁𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆, while you try to 𝗽𝗲𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗳𝘆 me with the complications of your 𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿𝘆 realm. I will not live in fear and sorrow. When will the world learn to live for today, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, this very moment? If this man made systematic maze rules my every move – what is it to live as I would be a mere pawn. I may as well be a zombie – deprived of soul, youth and esteem. 𝗡𝗼 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗺𝘆 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗹 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗺𝗲, I will escape and plot due to my awakening years ago. You may consider me a 𝗻𝘂𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 while I make 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 of this understanding I’ve been blessed with. Don’t sleep walk in today’s world – lay awake gazing into the abundance of the universe.
Friday update. Hi to everyone thanks for your support as always! Things have been a little busy here which is nice but I'm also midflare up which is less nice.😑 This weekend's goals are to edit an excerpt of The Black Fairy Book for my 1500 followers Thank You and Storm Sirens for release on Patreon (for free ^.^) For now more rest and little Halloween TV. 😥
What are you all up to this weekend?
1 225 minutes ago
My visual poetry is in Issue Five of @honeyandlimelit! Check out my piece "St. Lucy's Eyes" on their website along with more great poetry, visual poetry, art, photography, fiction, and creative nonfiction!